Blushing Pink Chip Dip & "Teeners" Special Dunk

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, this week I'm sharing a series of vintage recipes that are sure to turn heads at your holiday table. Bon appetit!

When I was a kid, cottage cheese was a staple in our household. For as long as I can remember, my mom would add a spoonful of cottage cheese to pretty much anything she ate--mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, chicken--and so I did, too. When I later moved away from home and ate dinner with other people, I quickly realized that my level of cottage cheese consumption was not entirely normal, and so it significantly decreased. Some day, I thought, I'll help others find a love of cottage cheese, too.

So imagine my delight upon discovering this cookbook in one of my favorite booths at the local antique mall:

"This cookbook is filled with delicious surprises for you," reads the first paragraph. "Though you are familiar with cottage cheese, you will discover many more exciting ways to use this dairy food." 

Finally, an entire cookbook featuring the delicious dairy delicacy! Jackpot! This book was written for me and the people I love.

Last week I was invited to a Friends-giving dinner party, so I decided to test out a couple of the cottage cheese-based appetizers. First up, a pretty little chip dip!

Blushing Pink Chip Dip
Yield: approx. 1 cup

1 cup small curd cottage cheese
1/4 cup Parmesan cheese
2 tablespoons chili sauce
1 tablespoon chopped parsley

In a mixer or blender combine all ingredients and beat until smooth. Chill.

An interesting combination of ingredients, but simple enough! First I chopped a little bit of fresh parsley--one tablespoon, to be exact.

Then I poured all of the ingredients into my food processor. So easy. At this point, I'm feeling like I'm on Top Chef, and I'm convinced that I will make this recipe every day, no matter how it tastes. Because it's easy and I can.

Once it was all mixed together and smooth, I poured it into a bowl with a handful of chips. My sneaky little sidekick looked on. Nice try, Sheila.

The dip wasn't really blushing per se, but it looked legit so I went for it. It was a sturdy little dip, with a hint of tangy sweetness from the chili sauce. Overall, not bad!

At Friends-giving, I asked my unsuspecting friends to taste the dip and guess its ingredients. Here are a few of their observations:

"It tastes hummus-y. Is it hummus?"
"I like it."
"Sour cream?"
"It's kind of like pimiento cheese."
"It's good, though."

Overall, I'd give it a B+. Everyone ate it, no one hated it. When I named the full list of ingredients, everyone nodded like, "Oh yeah, I could see that." Some even went back for more! It was a proud moment for cottage cheese.

Now, in hindsight, I should have stopped there while I was ahead. But like Icarus, I pushed on toward the sun, insisting on making one more cottage cheese concoction. This one was mysteriously named:

"Teeners" Special Dunk
Yields: approx. 2 cups

1 1/2 cups small curd cottage cheese
1/3 cup peanut butter, creamy style
2 tablespoons milk
1/4 cup catsup
3 tablespoons sweet pickle relish

First just let me say, it's got a pretty weird name with no context. Red flag #1. Second, it's got a strange line-up of ingredients. I know of no other recipes that would combine these ingredients in the wild. Red flag #2.

1) In a mixer or blender beat cottage cheese and peanut butter until smooth.

2) Add remaining ingredients and mix well. Chill. Good with celery sticks.
With each new ingredient, it looked and smelled worse. I think the relish chunks were the last straw for me. Red flag #3.

Once it was sufficiently blended, I poured it into a little dish and fanned out some celery sticks as instructed. Something just didn't feel right about this recipe, but still I persisted to the end. And, sure enough, it was awful. It tasted just like a nutty thousand island dressing, which is not a great flavor combo at all.

Against all better judgement, I asked my friends to participate in another taste test. Could they identify the ingredients in this recipe? Here's what they had to say:

"I taste peanut butter."
"Yes this is very peanut buttery."
"I don't think it's terrible. I wouldn't want to eat it all the time."
"It's a weird one."
"I can't quite pinpoint it."
"All I can taste is the peanut butter."
"I actually like cottage cheese a lot, but...."

What have I done!? These are supposed to be my friends and I've willingly fed them garbage! Curse you, Teeners and your stupid dunk! What a bust. If I had to give this recipe a grade, it would have barely scraped by with a D- because I'm a generous grader with a kind heart. (Just kidding, I'm actually a pretty ruthless grader. I just didn't want to see this dish in summer school.) If I had to identify its downfall, I'd probably point the finger at the peanut butter. Its inclusion with the ketchup and relish was just too confusing for the modern palate.

I am relieved to report that I didn't lose any friends that night, though I did take home two more cups of Teeners Special Dunk than I would have liked. Don't worry, family members, I learned my lesson. These won't be in tow at Thursday's meal.

Well, maybe just a little Blushing Pink Chip Dip, because, you know, I still <3 cottage cheese.